Random thoughts http://reflections-of-a-mans-heart.blogspirit.com/good_life/ Sun, 16 Jul 2006 02:36:09 +0200 blogSpirit.com All Rights Reserved http://reflections-of-a-mans-heart.blogspirit.com/archive/2005/04/24/some_ingredients_for_love.html http://reflections-of-a-mans-heart.blogspirit.com/archive/2005/04/24/some_ingredients_for_love.html noreply@blogspirit.com (Pet) Blog Good Life Sun, 24 Apr 2005 15:05:00 +0200 This comes from a blog I happened to share with my ex-girlfriend...<br /><br />And, those words I wrote for her, but not just because she was the one who would be listening...<br /><br />I feel they deserve being expressed openly<br /><br />1. Love must be expressed. <br /><br />I mean <em>explicitly</em> expressed.<br /><br />Expression need not words. Expression can be buying candy to her, even if you are fifty. Not even, but *especially*... <br /><br />And, use your hands. Words are not enough. Take her hands, comb her hair...<br /><br />2. Love must be expressed partly with your vocabulary. Because this means that <em>you are present</em>. <br /><br />And it must be expressed partly with the other's vocabulary. Because this means that <em>she is present</em> in your mind/heart/soul</em>.<br /><br />And, by "other's vocabulary" I mean: if she loves flowers, and you think it is not needed to express it that way (as many of us men believe)...go buy her flowers. Love is about listening...<br /><br />Believe me, if you can express it with her/his vocabulary, you've being <em>listening</em>. that is tough, and a good proof of love rather than necessity being present...<br /><br />Let me repeat that: Love is about listening, not just hearing. <em>Listening</em>. No listening, no love. Really.<br /><br />3. Freely expressing love engenders more love.<br /><br />4. Be yourself: be authentic.<br /><br />Especially, do not adapt your message to promote yourself.<br /><br />5. Let the other be her/himself, to be authentic.<br /><br />Especially, do not demand self-promotion to your mate, among other things.<br /><br />6. Nobody is perfect. Understand that. Then, strive for perfection anyway.<br /><br />Yes. You can't be perfect, but you must act as if you didn't knew that. Then, after a long day, you just go to sleep not feeling bad for not being perfect. Do not tell that is not logical. <br /><br />You already knew this is not to be logical blog if you arrived here...<br /><br />Your mate happens to be human, too, so this is a two-way street.<br /><br />7. Amazingly, loving yourself makes other love you more -and themselves. Therefore, love yourself.<br /><br />Loving others means loving yourself. If you don't love yourself, you won't be able to love others. Really.<br /><br />8. Love is work. Give yourself the time needed to nurture love. <br /><br />Share some time with the person you love, nurture her.<br /><br />Don't you work 8 hours a day (or more!) even when you don't feel like it?<br /><br />Yes, working is urgent...but loving is necessary. Big difference ^^.<br /><br />Let's say this more clearly: love *is* work, or that is not love.<br /><br />9. When you are about to fight, when you can't clearly talk about your needs, when... take her hands and look upon her eyes. <br /><br />You will discover it is impossible to fight or lie while holding her hands ^^<br /><br />Believe me, words are not that important. Hands always say the truth...<br /><br />I am sad we men don't know how important that is. For <em>us</em> too!<br /><br />10. Understand that being two separate persons, with different needs and wants, is not something to be afraid of.<br /><br />On the contrary, it is an amazing opportunity to grow much more, for now you can learn and love so many new things... <br /><br />How lucky to be able to see things so differently through her eyes. Like having four hands or eyes to aprehend the world ^^<br /><br />11. Give yourselves permission to disagree. <br /><br />Love is not about always agreeing, but about always listening and caring. That will naturally make you agree in most things, so don't worry.<br /><br />12. Never, ever make being in love be worse than not being in love. <br /><br />I know that is not easy, but if you accomplish that, love will be self-sustaining.<br /><br />13. This merits being repeated: love must be clearly expressed.<br /><br />...<br /><br />