Reflections of a Man's Heart

Several cows are happily grazing in a field.

One of the cows suddenly looks up, startled, and says, "Grass! We've been eating grass!"

"Nothing lasts" -

how bitterly the thought attends each loss.

"Nothing lasts" -

a promise also of consolation.

Grief and hope

the skipping rope's two ends,

twin daughters of impatience.

One wears a dress of wool, the other cotton.

- Jane Hirshfield

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

Today I finished some pending issues...

I met Francesc and Vale, and we all had dinner together. They are my best friends in Barcelona right now.

So, Francesc helped Vale and me move some things she left at home when we parted ways...

It felt strange to move all those things. A bit like closing a door that led to a (very important) part of my life...

...

I wish all the best for Vale, and especially that she gets as much love as she deserves.

And that is quite a lot.

...

It is a tangled web we weave.

Today, the Student Visa for sweetie arrived...

Sooo good!

^^

For years, the habit of wanting you,

carried like something unnoticed,

lint in a pocket, or manzanita

seed waiting a fire -

you come to me

changed, an old photograph

blurred with motion,

the shutter too slow to keep you the same.

After a while, the light, an old habit

between us, drains off:

simple to meet,

to walk towards evening

in a park at the continent's edge;

simple to talk

until conversation drains off,

a newly decanted wine,

and we're left with the sediment dark

at bottom between us,

desire,

simple to say,

and all the decision pours out of my life,

leaving me buoyant, empty, to float

towards your hand.

- Jane Hirshfield, Of Gravity & Angels.

I see the truth in thee, and what is in thee is in me, and I am that I am.

- Upanishads

Just 14 days are left until January 30, when Rye Mi is supposed to arrive here.

. . .

Still some paperwork left on the spanish side of the equation, but after I talk with the guy in charge of visas in the spanish embassy in Seoul, I feel reasonably confident... 

Of course, he couldn't give a definite 'yes'. But even if she had to come one or two weeks later, nothing really bad would happen.

. . .

This time has been really tough for us, but finally she finished everything there, including her thesis (which is now in print), and now she is enjoying some quiet time with her family.

They accept the situation, so everything will be ok in the korean side.

In fact, giving her time to communicate and share with her family before she came was the most important reason why we have endured such a long separation, besides she finishing her thesis.

Really, really tough separation.

God. Sooo tough.

. . .

It all looks unreal, now that it is about to happen.

Wow.

Thanks God!

. . .

Now the "normal" work of a live-together relationship will begin.

Ha ha. "Normal live-together relationship"? Is there such thing?

When raising a family, having to share the shower, sex, money and friendship mix, all sorts of strange things happen...

Yet, "the living cannot help but love the world"

^^

And, while I'm not afraid of what might come, I look at what's coming with a lot of respect...

Especially, I'm worried about the side effects of economic and communicational dependence on her, so we will work very hard at her becoming as autonomous as possible.

Think everything will be all right on the "people around her" side. There will be a lot of english speaking people around her, and I think I must have have found all korean things in Bcn, so she can met them too.

I really researched like crazy for all korean things around, from food stores (2) to restaurants (4, each one with a different specialty) to korean schools (really, there is one where the children of mixed couples learn korean on saturdays!), churches (yes, we have!), or korean-whatevers.

I even found a spanish guy who is married to a korean woman almost the same age as Rye Mi.

Being the extroverted side of the family, I'm sure she will make friends outside of my own circle fast. Think that is really important for her -as well as a healthy relation.

And, on the economic side, it was not a problem at all in my prior relation, when Vale was completely dependent on me for the first four years.

At least, she always told me everything was ok, and felt very grateful we always handled that without a single problem. Since she said after we finished our relations, and while discussing what support Rye Mi would need, it must be true.

. . .

So curious re-reading this and seeing the INTJ guy in me always planning . . .

All those words to say that I hope she finds her own place, that she becomes the best she can be, that she be herself... and that all that can happen while she is by my side.

But, I don't want the later if she can't have all other things... After all, we are supposed to be friends who sincerely care about each other's growth, isn't it? And friends we are!

. . .

And, in the end, despite all planning, what she will really need more is love and unconditional support.

That is the difficult part no planning or money can provide. How often we get lost and choose power, money, social relevance... How often we refuse to carry the prize.

. . .

Feel sure about my choice, even knowing it will not be easy. Especially after knowing all difficulties.

No need to pretend not to see what is there for love to bloom ^^

. . .

Time to remember a nice poem, before this gets too dense...

Come quickly -as soon as
these blossoms open,
they fall.
This world exists
as a sheen of dew on flowers.

For one human being to love another, that is the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

This one is for you, Eve!

I hope that moving to a new place is one of those steps that leads you to the remaining of your life . . .

^^

No, you never will bind him

To your signs and your burdens!

The least chink -he's inside it,

Like the supplest of gymnasts.

 

By the drawbridges

And flocks in migration,

By the telegraph poles,

God's escaping us.

 

No, you never will train him

To abide and to share!

He, in feelings' resident slush,

Is a gray floe of ice.

 

No, you never will catch him

On a thrifty dish, God

Never thrives in the window

Like domestic begonias!

 

All, beneath the roof's vault,

Were awaiting the builder,

The call. Poets and pilots

- All gave up in despair.

 

He's the sprint -and he's moving.

The whole volume of stars

Is, from Alpha to Omega,

Just a trace of his cloak.

 

- Marina Tsvetaeva